Bekah would have loved this!

When I find something that Rebekah would have thought was neat, I am an emotional conflict waiting to happen. I love to be able to remember her and think of things she would have liked, but I hate that I can't call her and tell her all about this great thing I just found!

I have been following a few "green" blogs this week...all about recycling and repurposing and reducing our waste in general. I came across several of the coolest ideas (including patterns) for how to make things from something I would have previously thrown away. Like how to crochet a rug using t-shirt "yarn." I can use t-shirts with rips or stains that I previously would have tossed in the garbage (or possibly cut into rags) and make a cool handmade rug! Or a purse from repurposed plastic grocery bags, Christmas bows from magazine pages, or atleast half a dozen other projects that are both doable and practical. (BTW, everyone is getting something handmade for Christmas this year...and most likely repurposed too!)

I especially like the crocheted rug from t-shirts. This is the one that most reminds me of Bekah...though I am sure she would have tried the plastic bag purse too! By no means am I going to be jumping into eating tofu and walking 8 miles to the grocery store, but even the little things can make a big impact. I like that I can mix my passion for crafting with recycling things I no longer need.

The Holidays...

The holidays...just aren't the same without Bekah. There is a special type of energy and love that I missed at all of the family gatherings this year. Though it wasn't readily apparent that anything was missing...I just know it could only have been better if Bekah was there with us.

I had bought Rebekah a gift right after Christmas last year that was supposed to be her present for this year. I wound up giving it to Mom instead. As I shopped for everyone else's gift, I found so many little things that I wanted to buy for her, but of course I couldn't.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back and buy her the things that would make her happy when she could have still used them. But more than anything, I wish I could go back and spend time with her. I have been away from home almost constantly for the last several years, and when I was able to come home, I was trying to spend time with everyone. I've been told that many times when I left to go back after a visit, Rebekah was really upset because I didn't spend more time with her. I really wanted to, but I always thought she would be there and I could make it up later. Bekah was my best friend, and I'm not sure she even knew it. There was no one else that I called as often, went to with problems, or cared about their opinion more than her. She was the first person I called with good news (like when I found out I was pregnant), and the first person I called when I needed comfort. I just wish I had taken the time to let her know how much I loved her before it was too late.

I can't even find a picture taken in the last 10 years where Rebekah and I are posed for a picture together. If anyone reading this has a picture like that, I would love to have a copy of it. My heart breaks just thinking I don't have a recent picture of the two of us. (Usually it was one or the other of us that was taking the pictures).

I didn't mean for this post to be so depressing, but it is what it is, and I want to share my feelings on here and memories of Rebekah whether they be happy or sad.