Remembering Rebekah

Rebekah lost her battle with cancer about a year and a half ago now and David (her husband) is finally parting with some of her things, so I went to his house to pick out what I wanted before the yard sale starts tomorrow. I came home with 2 large totes full of yarn and fabric. As I went through all of those things, I realized again how much alike she and I are (were).

She had loads of fabric that had been picked up at yardsales (still had the masking tape and price on it), and several things it looked like she was planning to repurpose...like an old bedsheet and some curtains. She loved making handmade gifts for everyone, and she was great at it! I wish I could have shared with her when I found out how to make t-shirt yarn, and plarn...I know she would have loved reusing old things and making them new again. (Another thing I found was about 10 crochet needles in only 2-3 sizes...like me, she would misplace one and go buy another).

The other great thing about getting those boxes of her stuff, was finding her half-finished projects (she was working on several things). I feel like there is still a part of her wrapped up in that yarn (the part-finished things) because it is something she put work and love into. I am still deciding what to do with those projects though. I certainly will never unravel them, but should I try to finish them out?...(I don't even know specifically what she was making). Or should I just tie them off as they are and give them to her closest friends and family?

I have thoroughly enjoyed my evening of reminising and the glimpse of my Bekah that I miss so much. She was my best friend in the world, and I will never feel that I did enough to show her that when she was alive.

Streaking

I remember when Bekah and I were little, Grandma would sometimes help Mom giving us a bath and such. We lived in Grandma's trailer park, so she had given us a bath at her house. The problem came when Grandma realized she had no clean clothes for us (except underwear) and she had thrown our dirty things in the washer.

So...since only a few people lived in the trailer park, and it was after dark, Grandma told us to just run over to our trailer (at the other end of the trailer park) and get some clothes, and that no one would see because it was dark. Well, Mom and Uncle Daniel (maybe Uncle Steve and/or Joe too...I really can't remember) were outside doing some work on one of the trailer lots...so when we get about 1/3 of the way to our trailer...Grandma yells out the door "Look at them little streakers" or something to that effect. So duh, they noticed us. Of course everyone got a huge laugh except me and Bekah...we were mortified. Leave it to Grandma to play such a mean trick on us.

I love remembering these times. I feel so close to Rebekah when I think of things we went through together as children. It has been over a year now since she passed away and sometimes seems like so much longer. Other times, I feel as though I just spoke with her last week. I still dream about talking to her or doing things with her, and I wouldn't trade those dreams for the world...and I still miss her every single day.

Bekah would have loved this!

When I find something that Rebekah would have thought was neat, I am an emotional conflict waiting to happen. I love to be able to remember her and think of things she would have liked, but I hate that I can't call her and tell her all about this great thing I just found!

I have been following a few "green" blogs this week...all about recycling and repurposing and reducing our waste in general. I came across several of the coolest ideas (including patterns) for how to make things from something I would have previously thrown away. Like how to crochet a rug using t-shirt "yarn." I can use t-shirts with rips or stains that I previously would have tossed in the garbage (or possibly cut into rags) and make a cool handmade rug! Or a purse from repurposed plastic grocery bags, Christmas bows from magazine pages, or atleast half a dozen other projects that are both doable and practical. (BTW, everyone is getting something handmade for Christmas this year...and most likely repurposed too!)

I especially like the crocheted rug from t-shirts. This is the one that most reminds me of Bekah...though I am sure she would have tried the plastic bag purse too! By no means am I going to be jumping into eating tofu and walking 8 miles to the grocery store, but even the little things can make a big impact. I like that I can mix my passion for crafting with recycling things I no longer need.

The Holidays...

The holidays...just aren't the same without Bekah. There is a special type of energy and love that I missed at all of the family gatherings this year. Though it wasn't readily apparent that anything was missing...I just know it could only have been better if Bekah was there with us.

I had bought Rebekah a gift right after Christmas last year that was supposed to be her present for this year. I wound up giving it to Mom instead. As I shopped for everyone else's gift, I found so many little things that I wanted to buy for her, but of course I couldn't.

Sometimes, I wish I could go back and buy her the things that would make her happy when she could have still used them. But more than anything, I wish I could go back and spend time with her. I have been away from home almost constantly for the last several years, and when I was able to come home, I was trying to spend time with everyone. I've been told that many times when I left to go back after a visit, Rebekah was really upset because I didn't spend more time with her. I really wanted to, but I always thought she would be there and I could make it up later. Bekah was my best friend, and I'm not sure she even knew it. There was no one else that I called as often, went to with problems, or cared about their opinion more than her. She was the first person I called with good news (like when I found out I was pregnant), and the first person I called when I needed comfort. I just wish I had taken the time to let her know how much I loved her before it was too late.

I can't even find a picture taken in the last 10 years where Rebekah and I are posed for a picture together. If anyone reading this has a picture like that, I would love to have a copy of it. My heart breaks just thinking I don't have a recent picture of the two of us. (Usually it was one or the other of us that was taking the pictures).

I didn't mean for this post to be so depressing, but it is what it is, and I want to share my feelings on here and memories of Rebekah whether they be happy or sad.

Waitress Torture

Last night as I sat waiting for a drink refill at a local restaurant, I was reminded of a story Rebekah told me....

She was out with some friends (I don't remember who or if it was a school field trip or what), but their waitress was so concerned that one of them might need something (drinks in particular) that she was at their table every two minutes. Apparently this was getting a little annoying, so Rebekah and her friends conspired together. After the next time the waitress came by, they all grabbed their drink cups and hid them and drank every drop that was in there. When the waitress came by again she was frantic because all of their drinks were empty. (I guess the waitress was really worried about doing good, but Bekah and her friends thought their prank was hilarious....as it was).

Rebekah used to tell this story probably a couple times a year, it was something that really stuck in her memory, and so, got stuck in mine as well. (If anyone reading this was in that group and has more to offer the story, please let me know or post a comment.)

Remembering...

Recently I added a new piece of art to my body in memory of Rebekah. I got a tattoo of her likeness in the form of an angel on my shoulder. (I will post pics later). Rebekah's last days made me realize that there are some things that I need to do for me...because it's what I want, and not because someone thinks I should or shouldn't.

Some people would say that Rebekah spent her whole life that way, but I know she still worried sometimes about the way things looked or what people thought of her. For example, she wanted a tattoo for the longest time, but never got one...and only when she found out she had cancer did she tell me "When I'm done with all this cancer crap, I am going to get my tattoo."

Even now she gives me courage and determination when I feel like giving up on something, or when I am going through a rough patch. I like to believe that she can see me and know how much I love her and miss her every single day. When I want someone to talk to, she is the first person I think about calling, and wish that I could talk to her. The angel on my shoulder reminds me that she is watching over me, just like she did in life.

This is the first time I have posted about my tattoo on a forum where "people who disapprove" of such things might read it. But I also remember something else Rebekah once told me about how people can judge each other all they want, but all it really come's down to in the end is God's judgement of your life and how you live it.

I haven't posted in some time on here, but I want to try to post something atleast weekly here. I don't go a day without thinking about her, so I want to share those memories with her family and friends. I also still want input from all of you. Please send me your pictures or stories and memories of Rebekah to help all of us remember.

Rebekah loved making things

Today I ran across a blanket I had put away that Rebekah had made for me. She loved using her talents to make things for other people. She crocheted this particular blanket for me from patterned blue yarn, and also crocheted a purple and green blanket for Alyson. She also made a scarf and poncho for Alyson, and a purse for me. She made up her own patterns when she had to just to make something nice for someone else. I believe she got alot of joy in life from making and doing things for others.

I remember a quilt she made for Alyson and she was so afraid that I wouldn't like it because it wasn't "perfect." The stitching was a little crooked when she tried to quilt it together, but I loved it! It was my favorite blanket to lay on the floor for Aly to crawl or roll around on when she was really little. There is nothing that could make me give up that blanket! It was and is perfect to me because my sister made it for me and my baby. I will remember her desire to please me every time I look at that blanket.